Feathers and Roses
by skywolf666
Summary: My newest project, lol. A collection of songfics concerning my favourite pairing, Mu and Murrue, and the genres vary from angst to romance. I own none of the songs inside, and the oneshots are in no particular order, please read, review, and suggest!
1. Uninvited

"**Uninvited"**

**Alanis Morissette**

_Like anyone would be,_

_I am flattered by your fascination with me._

_Like any hot-blooded woman,_

_I have simply wanted an object to crave._

She would've to have been blind, deaf, and dumb to have not noticed the way the commander's eyes lingered on her out of every other member of the crew, the way he worded his sentences when he was around her, and the obvious body language he used whenever it was just them alone, speaking as formal soldiers or just two human beings. As flattering as it seemed at first, she knew immediately that the interest he showed wasn't going to lead anything good, both her intuition and her heart told her so. So she tried her best to avoid him, but it was impossible. After all, they both were crammed on the same ship together, and as selfishly as she wanted the distance between them, the crew, _her_ crew, needed his skill. That alone was enough to send her running for cover.

_But you,_

_you're not allowed._

_You're uninvited,_

_an unfortunate slight._

Still, she refused to let him in. It was too dangerous to let him in, to let him get close to her in any way. Even just needing him as an asset to the ship, that was too much. The way her history with men went... The brunette captain shook her head fiercely. No. She wouldn't even let herself think about it. That was playing right into fate's hands. He wasn't allowed to be near her, she wasn't supposed to feel anything for him, he was another soldier, just another pilot. She could shrug off his advances, she could push him away and remain distant and unattached. To save him. Another fierce shake. No. To save herself. Even thinking along those lines was a mistake. She couldn't care about him, it wasn't meant to be. She'd lost who she thought was her only love in the world, it wasn't worth the heartbreak.

_Must be strangely exciting,_

_to watch the stoic squirm._

_Must be somewhat heartening,_

_to watch shepard meet shepard._

Still... Her mind would wander without her permission, causing her to wake up drenched in her own cold sweat, panting heavily as her heart motored out of control. No. He wasn't allowed to do this to her. She tried even harder to avoid him, to keep all conversations they had civil and formal, she wouldn't let him ask questions about her personal life. She'd hoped that it would be enough, that he would finally just give up the idiotic pursuit, but she had misjudged his character. It only made him more stubborn, more insistent, like he liked the challenge. She couldn't help but want to yell at him, tell him how stupid he was being, that she wasn't worth it. But she masked her feelings like she had been doing for years, kept her heart hidden and safely encased in stone, away from this blond commander who seemed so intrigued by her. It just wasn't allowed.

_But you,_

_you're not allowed._

_You're uninvited,_

_an unfortunate slight._

She felt odd, letting him get to her so easily. He could slip under her skin without even trying, making it easy to annoy her, making it easy to want to laugh and smile even when she felt exhausted by what was happening outside her own little world, as if that alone wasn't enough. She couldn't deny the physical attraction she had to him, he was a handsome man, but what she hadn't expected was the magnetic pull he had, it was just too easy to want to be near him, like the sun, gravity just reeled her right in. But that was the thing about the sun, if she flew in too close to him, she would get burned. The mere thought of that sent her wincing all over again, her hand flew to her chest to cup the locket she wore to remind herself of what had happened, and mostly likely would happen to her again. It wasn't worth the risk. She didn't want to see anyone else die because of her, or lose anyone she had come to care about because she had this black widow's curse that kept her away from strangers who could have become friends. A negative view on her life to be sure, but something she just wasn't willing to shake. She cared too much about these strangers to really want to risk letting them in, for their safety, and her own.

_Like any uncharted territory_

_I must seem greatly intriguing._

_You speak of my love like_

_you have experienced love like mine before._

That's what her all the more scared, made her fight all the harder against this strange magnetic force that kept pulling her closer and closer to this blond-haired, blue-eyed pilot. Repeating history, though it seemed a crazy enough suspicion, made her think everything over so hard, she eventually just lost faith. She knew she was acting idiotically, when life was so short and had no guarantee that tomorrow would be a future for them, it was important to live life to the fullest. Part of her wanted to risk it, but the other which yelled more strongly, made her stop and turn away those little stirs she didn't want to feel. It was just too dangerous. She knew the double standards too, wanting to keep away from this strange man in an effort to protect him, it was utter hypocrisy. Didn't it mean she was already at the point of no return? That she already cared enough about him to want to run away to save him? She shook her head and sighed. It was so insane she was actually starting to talk to herself.

_But this_

_is not allowed._

_You're uninvited,_

_and unfortunate slight._

When she thought long and hard about it, it seemed as though she had come to an odd crossroads. Both ways pointed into shadows, with no light behind her or with her to aid with the strange darkness. She had no idea where either road would take her, even with the path she had just traveled, she still had little idea of where she truly had been. Stumbling around blindly, feeling the cuts and bruises of the emotional wounds that were still healing, she was well and truly lost. She had a choice to make now, she could see that well enough, even right now when she was blind. The possibility of this wild future that painted itself in her head made it nearly an irresistible choice, even with terror and the need for self-perseveration tugging her back. Was it possible? Could she really have a chance like this, after so much pain and death that had haunted her footsteps? Could she risk not finding out?

A knock at her door, a familiar voice calling her by her rank, polite and yet at the same time with that same cocky and lightly amused tone. She closed her logbook, which she really hadn't been looking at anyway, debating for a long moment whether or not to answer. Then, with a rueful smile, she called through the door. "Come in Commander."

_I don't think you unworthy,_

_I need a moment to deliberate._

**AN**

**It made no sense! (rants frantically and incoherently for a long moment) Grah. Well anyway, down to business... It was damned short, wasn't it? XD Though they seem like it takes days to finish them they never really turn out as long as it seems... Anyway! Explanation time!**

**First, about this collection of songfics. Yes, they are all going to be MM centric, some of them sent curing the canon periods during the show, GS and GSD, and others placed in an AUish period which will be left up to my crazed fangirly imagination, so take a guess at what I'll make up, lol. Next, since these songs that I chose all relate to a period in each character's "life", they will mostly all be from only one of their perspectives, unless I say otherwise, just to let ya know, lol. I have a long list of these XD, but please feel free to shoot other songs at me if you want if you think it relates to them at any point in the series, I'm way open to suggestions. **

**Second, (god too much explaining) I thought this song really fit Murrue in the first stages of attraction between our favourite captain and commander. N I'll tell you why. I think she has this "black widow's curse" thing going on, and yes, I know Mu came back, but she didn't know that so I tried my best to get the indecision and denial I think she felt into this songfic, which is why I chose "Uninvited". She loves Mu in the later episodes, but her feelings aren't developed yet, which really only made writing this a challenge, and a pretty damn fun one at that. I'll be writing a load more (I have a long list), please review and tell me what you think!**

**Sky**


	2. She's So High Above Me

"**She's So High Above Me"**

**Fastball**

_She's blood, flesh and bone,_

_no tucks or silicone._

_She's touch, smell, sight, taste, and sound._

_But somehow I can't believe,_

_that anything should happen._

_I know where I belong,_

_and nothing's gonna happen, yeah_.

He'd been watching her, ever since he'd first saw her. He hadn't known what to think of the brunette woman at first, beyond any normal thoughts of physical attraction that is. He couldn't help but be intrigued by her either, even with a shoulder injury she carried herself confidently, paying no mind to the pain as she focussed on the task at hand, namely, their survival. To say he had been impressed would be an understatement, he was far more than impressed with her behaviour, he was awed. The simple attraction he'd felt for her doubled after seeing her attempts to right the mess they were in, it had been what goaded him into making sure she was put into a rightful position, the captain.

_Cause she's so high, high above me,_

_she's so lovely._

_She's so high,_

_like Cleopatra,_

_Joan of Arc or Aphrodite._

_She's so high,_

_high above me._

He kept watching her, even though she knew what he was doing and clearly had no interest in him, he couldn't help it. Something about her just made him want to find out more, maybe it was the way she refused to keep eye contact with him, as though she could read his suggestive thoughts. Whatever it was, it only made him more curious. He felt a little sheepish with his preoccupation, knowing it really wasn't right considering things. His attention should be on the matter at hand, and not some odd attraction he had for this marigold-eyed woman. Feeling guilty about that, he threw himself into his work, but made sure he always had time to speak with her, even if it wasn't anything beyond a formal conversation, soldier to soldier.

_A first class and fancy free,_

_she's high society,_

_she's got the best of everything._

_What could a guy like me,_

_ever really offer?_

_She's perfect as she can be,_

_why should I ever bother?_

He almost didn't feel like he even deserved to be with her, the harsh reminders of his past came back to taunt his feeble efforts, telling him to just give it up. He'd been watching her for quite some time, seen the pain she'd went through with the loss of her mentor and the civilians they had been helping. She seemed exhausted so often, he couldn't help himself. He'd gone out of his way to talk with her, to attempt to reassure her and get her to relax. She had just raised her eyebrows at each and every one of his attempts, but finally she would give him a small smile and murmur a thanks. That enough made him want to continue, those little smiles made him feel better, wanted. Something he hadn't felt for a very long time. It was enough to make him dizzy with pleasure.

_Cause she's so high, high above me,_

_she's so lovely._

_She's so high,_

_like Cleopatra,_

_Joan of Arc or Aphrodite._

_She's so high,_

_high above me._

So he continued to be there, offering gentle words of advice or reassurance, hoping to see that little smile again, or to bring some light of hope into those sad eyes. It was strange that someone who seemed so compassionate and kind could have such eyes. She seemed so vulnerable, so alone, he didn't feel like he just simply wanted to be there, he felt like he _needed_ to be there. As mild as her attempts to sway him were, she did look like she enjoyed his company, if only grudgingly. That was fine enough for him too, even if he didn't think he deserved that anyway. With those little moments he stole with her, he noticed more and more tiny things that he hadn't seen at first glance. The way she held herself, with a touch of confidence and a hint of a smile, the way her eyes lit up a little each time he tried to make her smile, how she'd toy with her hair and purse her lips when she was confronted with a problem. Those tiny little things that he saw now only intensified the warmth in his chest, made him want to stay more with her. He couldn't even imagine leaving her now, not when there was just so much more to learn about her. The lines were blurring.

_She comes to speak to me,_

_I freeze immediately,_

_cause what she says sounds so unreal._

_Somehow I can't believe,_

_that anything should happen._

_I know where I belong,_

_and nothing's gonna happen, yeah, yeah, yeah._

He was still her superior, in a technical sense anyway, but she really was his captain. He respected her, just like every other soldier under her command did. Well, perhaps the lieutenant. That made him smile, if the term 'opposites attract' was true, he had no doubt the two women could have been great friends if it weren't for the military. The captain was easy to admire and easy to like, the kids had already promised their full support to her, when they had their chances to go. He smiled a little wryly, maybe it wasn't just because of her, but he liked to think so. It only made him even more enchanted, even more stubborn to get past that barrier she'd put around herself. There had to be way, even if he didn't feel worthy enough for such a woman, there just had to be a way to melt her heart enough to get himself in. It was insane to say it, or even think it, but he had already fallen in love with her.

_Cause she's so high, high above me,_

_she's so lovely._

_She's so high,_

_like Cleopatra,_

_Joan of Arc or Aphrodite._

_She's so high,_

_high above me._

**AN**

**(Palms face and sweatdrops) For god's sake that didn't turn out like I figured it would. Bleh. (Grumbles softly) I chose this song I guess because it always made me think of Mu, lol, but when I tried to explain it, it just turned out like 'gah'. Lol, and this collection of oneshots aren't really in a chronological order or anything, but when I put up Murrue's at the 'very beginning' stage, I just felt like Mu's should have been alongside that. I guess that works...? Meh, tell me your opinion and I'll side with it. Review please and thank you! **

**Reply to Anonymous: Hey, lol, thanks for the review first of all, and yeah, you were right about the black widow spider thing. That was a big error on my part, my apologies. I used the metaphor wrong trying to explain in Murrue's thoughts why she didn't want to be near Mu, the bad luck thing would have worked out much better. Sorry again for the screw up, I'll watch out for how I use those things next time.**

**Sky**


	3. Decode

"**Decode"**

**Paramore**

_How can I decide on what's right,_

_when you're clouding up my mind?_

_I can't win your losing fight,_

_all the time._

She hated him. Ever since he had woken up in the sickbay, she had hated him. The shock had long since settled inside of her, and she'd bottled it up as best she could so he wouldn't see what affect he had on her. But the crew all knew what his amnesia had done to her, and despite her best efforts, she couldn't keep on ignoring him. All of the feelings that she had held onto so fiercely those two horrible years were now the seeds of her worst nightmares and greatest pains. She couldn't make any unbiassed decisions now, he was alive and clouding all of her thoughts. She wanted to go home, but she knew what that would do if she brought the man anywhere near ORB. Despite who she_ knew_ he was, it was who he claimed he was that won out when it came to the law. So she couldn't return to ORB like she wanted to, if she did... He would have to be sent away. That alone made her wince. How could she do it? What had he done to her?

_How can I ever own what's mine,_

_when you're always taking sides?_

_But you won't take away my pride,_

_no, not this time. _

_Not this time._

It hurt. Every single time she looked into those achingly familiar azure eyes and saw not a hint of recognition in them, she had to fight tears. It was almost impossible for her to be in the same room with him now, she could always sense his curious gaze on her and that alone made her want to cry. Anger always flooded strong in her after the sadness went away, fury for whoever had done this to him. She still loved him, she doubted she had ever really stopped. She hadn't wanted to let go of those feelings all through her period of mourning, she would have been content to wait until her own death so she could see him again. But this... It was so much worse. She could barely hold herself together some days, but for her crew she tried to remain strong. She knew they were all going through worse things than her, it was important she keep herself together for their sakes. But when the day was over and she was alone in her room, she would cry. If she didn't, she thought to herself, she may very go have gone insane.

_How did we get here?_

_I used to know you so well._

_Oh, how did we get here?_

_Well, I think I know._

She never stopped asking herself why she hadn't been a better captain, she couldn't stop thinking that it was all of her fault. She should have been quicker with her reactions to the Dominion, shouldn't have hesitated when she knew it was her former comrade. When she thought of him now, with the longer hair and the scars mapping out his old injuries, she would have to take a deep breath to calm herself. Her fault. It was her fault. She would wonder sometimes, if subconsciously, he knew that. But she didn't want to know if he did or not, she was happy to blissfully ignorant of his thoughts towards her. However, she couldn't be ignorant. She had slipped into the infirmary once, while he had been sleeping. She couldn't help herself, it had been like an impulse that she couldn't ignore. He had looked just the same as she remembered him, despite the hair and the scar on his nose. Regardless of how many times he kept telling her that his name was "Neo", he would always be her "Mu".

_The truth is hiding in your eyes,_

_and it's hanging on your tongue,_

_just boiling in my blood,_

_but you think that I can't see,_

_what kind of man that you are,_

_if you're a man at all._

_Well I will figure this one out,_

_on my own._

_(I'm screaming I love you so)_

_On my own._

_(My thoughts you can't decode)_

It had seemed like such a cruel joke when he'd opened his eyes and coldly told them who he was. She hadn't been able to really digest it until she'd gotten out of the room and locked herself in her own quarters to let the shock take hold and give way to a heartbreaking agony. The way he'd looked so startled by her reaction, that doubled the pain, reinforced the insane truth that he didn't know her. His memory was well and truly erased. She'd wanted to hear him deny it the second time she came, even though he was fast asleep. To hear that it was just some sick joke. She wanted the truth, the truth that she felt was inside those eyes of his, but she'd gotten nothing. The irrational behaviour ended shortly after that, she made herself get over it. It was just some sick game that fate wanted to play, and as anguishing as it was, she wouldn't let it stop her. She couldn't turn off her feelings for him, she'd already tried that. But she wouldn't accept that the man she loved was well and truly lost either. Even if he didn't know it and didn't understand it, she would always love him. Even if he never remembered.

_How did we get here?_

_I used to know you so well, yeah._

_How did we get here?_

_Well, I think I know._

Then he had asked her what Mu had meant to her, and she'd smiled bitterly to herself in secret before answering him. It all seemed so ironic. Everyone had turned to her as one, waiting worriedly for her answer. She had wanted to tell him everything then and there, to make him see what he was and what he didn't remember. It had taken so much self-control to swallow her words, to stop herself from blurting out the truth. She knew he wouldn't understand, maybe he didn't _want_ to remember. That only hurt more. She tried to see things form his perspective, despite all the pain that came with that attempt. It wasn't as though he knew that she was suffering, or why for that matter. In his eyes, he had been jerked away from his life and placed here, where all of these strange people were trying to convince him that he was someone he didn't know. It had to be odd for him, denial was natural. She had swallowed her words, all of the truths, and told him something that looked like had surprised him. Mu, _her_ Mu, was a dear friend, someone who no longer was there now, someone irreplaceable. That was true enough.

_Do you see what we've done?_

_We've gone and made such fools of ourselves._

_Do you see what we've done?_

_We've gone and made such fools of ourselves._

Part of her wondered if everything she had feared when they had been together all those years ago was coming back. Like it was her reward for tempting fate and trying to be happy after attempting to close her heart. The dark thoughts would always swirl in her head, no matter how many times she tried to push them away. Hadn't she told herself that getting involved with another pilot would bring her nothing but pain? That it would end up a horrible disaster and she would regret it for the rest of her life? She would smile in bitter amusement when she thought that. Yes, it hurt, she suspected it would always be a pain she would carry. But regret? No. She could never make herself regret the times they had spent together, even if it was only a few short months. They had truly been the best times in her life, she'd never been so happy or so in love. To regret something like that was to regret being alive, she'd been handed a beautiful gift. Despite the fact that it was broken or even gone, it didn't mean that all of the time they had spent together, all of the love that had been there, never had existed. She would never want to take it all back.

_Yeah, yeah._

_How did we get here?_

_I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah._

_And how did we get here,_

_well, I used to know you so well._

_I think I know._

_I think I know_.

They had been getting closer to ORB each and every day, and she knew that the time was getting closer where she would have to let him go. She didn't want to, every single fibre of her being was begging her mind to let him stay, keep him prisoner and get herself thrown in jail for disobeying the laws. But when she thought of him, saw the unhappy prisoner that he was... She couldn't be selfish. He was confused, he was in pain, he was a prisoner. Even if he didn't remember her, or never would... She loved him enough to let him go, cared enough that she wouldn't keep him close just to bury him deeper in this strange world where he knew nothing. She could always carry her memories in her heart, always could keep them. He may have not remembered those times, but she always would. They had happened, that was something that never could be erased. She watched him sleep again, a few days before she was to be setting him free. She'd let him use the Sky Grasper, for old time's sake. It would be painful, to watch him fly off again... But maybe there was a chance that by letting him go... He might be happy. She smiled ruefully. He'd have wanted the same thing too, she knew he would've. She had to give him the same courtesy, because she loved him. She would always love him. If she was lucky... If fate had finished its cruel game... Maybe he would say those words to her again.

_There is something,_

_I see in you._

_It might kill me,_

_but I want it to be true._

**AN**

**Why is it that nothing ever turns out like you want it to XD These songfics will kill me one day, I swear it. It sounded so much better in my head, then I wrote the damn thing down XD Oh well, what can I do. I'm way too lazy to rewrite it after I spent so much time on it. Funny, I wrote this ****while**** I had block, isn't that just nuts? Anywhosit, next will be another angsty one, cause I decide I'm going to post the songfics in sets kind of, so two on the same situation from each of their povs, cause I'm nuts... That was Paramore "Decode", for the Twilight soundtrack (woot), and if you couldn't tell, it was set during the 30ish period in GSD (where I bawled like a baby the first time I watched it), grr Neo, lol.**

**Sky**


	4. My Never

"**My Never"**

**Blue October**

_Will you think of me,_

_in time?_

_It's never my luck,_

_so never mind._

He'd never have admitted to it, but every single time she looked at him he swore he saw a little flicker of warmth in her eyes before it died out to be hidden behind an almost invisible but as thick as metal shield. He never acted like he saw it, always held himself aloof from that small tiny flame he knew existed in the woman's heart. He couldn't lie that he wanted to help that little spark grow, but he kept his distance, he was respectful. Those eyes weren't meant for him, the little smile she used around him sometimes were never meant for him either. He wasn't her "Mu", he was someone different, a stranger in her world. She would never smile for him like that, it just wasn't meant to be. So he looked the other way. Neo Lorrnoke was not her Mu La Flaga.

_I try to say your name,_

_but the pain starts again._

_It's never my luck,_

_so never mind._

He didn't want those little stirrings he felt inside of him to grow, he'd tried to hide them as best he could. But they had started the moment he had woken up on this ship and seen her face, seen her tears. He no longer was bewildered by what had caused them to shine there, he knew the story well now. It wasn't like that brown-haired boy didn't try to remind him every single chance he got. But he cooly shoved that aside, he didn't want to be compared to this strange "Mu" character, he was who he was, what was there to doubt what he'd been told? But the way she acted around him ,the way _everyone_ acted around him... It seemed almost too good to be true, like he was teetering on the edge of some fantastic dream that he didn't want to wake up from. Because when he did wake, when he snapped back to reality... All of those beautiful dreams and glimpses of a future that seemed almost in his grasp... They would slide away from him.

_I had a dream that you were with me,_

_and it wasn't my fault._

_You rolled me over, flipped me over, a somersault._

_And that doesn't happen to me,_

_I've never been here before._

_I saw forever in my never,_

_and I stood outside her heaven._

She wasn't his. He'd been repeating those words to himself for days now, trying to ignore the powerful feelings that would course through his bloodstream at the very thought of her. It was a confusing reaction, this marigold-eyed woman that he didn't even know, that kept him captive, had brought him down to his knees without even doing anything to him. He had found himself watching her, with such intensity he had surprised himself. He missed nothing when she visited the infirmary to see that young brunette boy, he saw the way she held herself upright despite the way her shoulders sagged from weariness. He saw how she forced herself to smile, when the dark shadows under her eyes grew and were darker each and every time he saw her. He found himself wanting to reach out to ease the tension from her shoulders, to hold her and whisper things in her ear that he never let himself imagine. Why did it feel so right to care for this woman who didn't belong to him?

_Will you wait for me,_

_in time?_

_It's never my luck,_

_so I'll say never mind._

But he'd come back. He had his freedom presented to him on a silver platter, ready for the taking, waiting for him to reach out and grab it. But he hadn't been able to do it. Her face was burned into his mind, the silver tears that she had struggled to hide as she saw him off, the way her voice cracked when she threw his denials back in his face before running away to leave him to his fate. As he'd stood there, stunned into silence, he was overcome with the sudden wanting to be this man that she mistook him for, to be this Mu La Flaga she so clearly had given her heart to. Just to make her smile, just to make those tears go away forever... He would have killed to be this man that she loved so fiercely. He should have left, he knew that, but he couldn't. Even as he made his arms pull him into the cockpit of the jet, his soul stayed on the ground, on that ship, with her. His decision was already made. He couldn't leave her, no matter what he believed or didn't believe.

_And I've lost a lot of what I don't expect to ever return,_

_I tend to push them till the pushing's gone from hurting to burn,_

_I always take them to that place I thought they wanted to go,_

_then end up dancing round, this clown demands applause at his show._

He'd found himself venturing up to the top decks after the battle, unable to go to where he felt like he should've been, by her side. He couldn't face her, not yet. He still needed to assure himself that he wasn't being stupid, that he wasn't being an idiot. But in the end, he couldn't tell which part of him wanted to be here so fiercely, maybe it was all of him. Something about her, maybe it was that gentle smile, it brought back urges he never felt before, the need to hold her in his arms and never let it go. Was it his body remembering? Was it his mind making up excuses to justify his irrational desires? He didn't know. He was scared to know. Whoever he was before he had been brought here... It wasn't who he was now. She had changed him. Without even having an entire conversation with this strange brunette captain he already loved, she had made him into a totally different person that he didn't even recognize anymore.

_I had a dream that you were with me,_

_and it wasn't my fault._

_You rolled me over, flipped me over, like a somersault._

_And that doesn't happen to me,_

_I've never been here before._

_I saw forever in my never,_

_and I stood outside her heaven._

_Her heaven._

_Inside her heaven._

_Her heaven._

He confided in her when she'd found him there by himself, and he wasn't sure why he did it. He'd never let himself think about the things he told her, he was too uncertain to let himself do it, but he told her about them now. She'd listened, and he could tell by the way she reacted that she was stunned, and he saw the hope that suddenly kindled in those marigold eyes. The anguish he felt then, it nearly killed him. He knew that she loved that man, that man who wouldn't let him be, and what he said now, her fragile hopes might be coming true. Could he do it, he asked himself. Could he abandon the identity he knew, to be this Mu La Flaga that she was so hopelessly in love with? Was it worth it? When he turned to see the tears in her eyes, say the fear and guilt, and love that shimmered there, his decision was made. It was definitely worth it.

_And I can only dream of you and sleep and I never see sunlight again._

_I can try to be with you but somehow I'll just end up losing a friend._

_And I can only reach for you, relate to you, I'm losing my friend._

_Where did she go? Where?_

He had nodded, not having the strength to answer him, but it was enough. He finally let himself do what he'd wanted to do for so long, tugged her into his arms and held her there. She'd closed her eyes and hugged him back, and he felt her tears trickling down into his collar but he paid little mind to that. The tears weren't meant for him. As he held her there in the dying sunlight, some part of him was cracking and breaking away as he nuzzled into her neck with a quiet sigh, following his instincts. He didn't know _who_ he was anymore anyway. He could get away with this insane ray of hope that maybe he was this man she loved, maybe he could have his wildest dreams come true. The facts seemed to be there to support it, even his body was going along with the fantasy. He hugged her even closer, whispering her name into her hair as her lithe body shivered with silent sobs. It would be worth it, he decided. To leave behind the man he knew, to be this other man that he didn't know but felt a strange kinship with. If it meant keeping this fragile woman in his arms, if it meant he even had a little chance to see her smile at him with that warmth he admired... He would die for it.

_And I had a dream that you were with me,_

_and it wasn't my fault._

_You rolled me over, flipped me over, like a somersault._

_And that doesn't happen to me,_

_I've never been here before._

_I saw forever in my never,_

_and I stood outside her heaven._

_I stood outside her heaven._

_I stood outside her heaven._

_Won't you let me into your heaven?_

**AN**

**XD I'm officially renaming this collection as "The Things That Never Come Out As Planned". It just never comes out like it looks in my head, rofl, it's madness! Anywhosit, the song "My Never" really just made me think of how Neo might have felt being compared to Mu all of the time, and those strange feelings he had towards this woman that he didn't even really know. It would scare the hell out of any sane person I think, and it would definitely be confusing... But Neo loved her, that much is obvious, I just decided to delve into that with some crazy ideas I had, lol. Review please and tell me what you think!**

**Sky**


	5. The Call

"**The Call"**

**Regina Spektor**

_It started out as a feeling,_

_which then grew into a hope._

_Which then turned into a quiet thought,_

_which then turned into a quiet word._

He couldn't move. It was like his legs had turned into roots and refused to be yanked from the floor as he stared numbly ahead at the desks in front of him. They had said it so casually, as though it was nothing but an errant thought to them. He forced his eyes to move in his head, picking out her form, which he had lost sight of in his confusion. She was standing ahead of him, as straight as a pole, her shoulders stiff, robot-like, just like he was. He was overcome with the intense need to see her eyes, to read the emotions that always shone so brightly in her expressive marigold eyes. But she wasn't looking at him, and he wondered if there was a reason she was standing so straight. Any anger he had been feeling towards his higher-ranking officers was lost in the shock, but he forced his legs to move as the rest of the crew began to leave. She still didn't turn around.

_And then that word grew louder and louder,_

'_til it was a battle cry,_

"_I'll come back, when you call me._

_No need to say goodbye."_

She wondered what had suddenly happened to her as she followed her crew mechanically, training her eyes on the ground in front of her. She kept telling herself to take another step, to put one foot in front of the other, as though she would collapse if she didn't. The guilt, anger, sadness, and confusion she was feeling had melted away into an ache. Why did it feel as though her heart had just been ripped out of her chest? Without telling them to, her eyes flickered up from the ground, to _him_. He was walking much like she was, mindlessly, robotically, and her gaze rested between his shoulder blades. She was glad he wasn't looking at her, she wondered what she would do if his eyes met hers. She continued to walk, tuning out the words of her comrades in an effort to preserve some of her last shreds of sanity. It was like everything she had went through in that pathetic excuse of a court-martial didn't matter anymore, all of her thoughts were focussed on the last words Sutherland had spoken. He was leaving.

_Just because everything's changing,_

_doesn't mean it's never been this way before._

_All you can do is try to know who your friends are,_

_as you head off to the war._

He had tried to find her, the night he was set to leave. But he hadn't found her, no matter where he looked. She hadn't reported in for her shift, though the crew didn't find that odd considering the circumstances of their being home. That hadn't satisfied him however, and he kept on searching. It was like she'd disappeared from the world. Finally he gave up as the seconds ticked down to the beginning of tomorrow, his body kept telling him he needed the rest. He rested his forehead against the cold metal of the ship's wall, and just stood there for the longest time, not knowing what to do. He wanted to see her, he wanted to see her so fiercely he was prepared to keep on searching until he couldn't walk anymore. He closed his eyes as a shot of pain blossomed in his chest. Why did it hurt so fiercely? She was his captain, his comrade, perhaps his friend, but that didn't explain why it felt like he was leaving part of himself behind. He groaned to himself at the confusion, but he managed to pick his way back to his room anyway, ignoring the aching in his chest.

_Pick a star on the dark horizon_

_and follow the light._

_You'll come back when it's over,_

_no need to say goodbye._

_You'll come back when its over,_

_no need to say goodbye._

She was hiding. She yearned to go outside to find him, as though she knew he was looking for her, but she wouldn't move from the bed. She didn't want to see him before he left, maybe if she kept to herself it wouldn't hurt as much when he finally began to walk away. She couldn't sleep either. She sat up in her cot, staring up at the ceiling as she hugged her pillow in an effort to stop the trembling that shook her arms. She wanted to cry. She had been wrong. She'd made a mistake hoping that she could be with him when the war ended, that she could ever really care for someone before they too were taken away from her. The tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she felt them make their way down her face, falling soundlessly into the sheets, disappearing as quickly as they had come. Somewhere however, in the middle of her confusing anguish, she felt a kernel of hope in her chest. The war wasn't anywhere near to being over, but still... She may just be able to see him when it all ended...

_Now we're back to the beginning,_

_it's just a feeling and no one knows yet._

_But just because they can't feel it too,_

_doesn't mean that you have to forget._

The morning had come, far too soon for either of their likings, but they dragged themselves out of bed, trying not to think of what today meant for the both of them. He met her in the hall, right by the gangplank, but she had looked away from him when he tried to meet her eyes. He didn't make a second attempt, seeing the way she bit her lower lip and curled her hands at her sides. Wanting to try and ease her discomfort, he leaned on the wall and waited patiently for the lieutenant and the girl to come. She'd gently informed the girl what was really happened and had said a quiet but friendly goodbye to the lieutenant, actually looking as though she would miss the woman. He had to smile a little at that, he knew that she respected the dark-haired woman a lot more than she let on, and he could see from the other's expression that it was mutual. As she left, he saw the pain in her face, she was losing a good comrade.

He stepped up himself, and for a moment, he saw a flash of hope light her eyes but it quickly disappeared. He'd tried to make light of the moment, but she seemed to still be holding onto the professional facade. He didn't want to go, and she saw it on his face. She made to reach out to him, just to place her hand on his arm to give him some comfort, but she held herself back and whispered softly, "C'mon... You're going to be late." He had growled, but he knew how much it was paining her now that he was trying to prolong the goodbye. He saluted to her after she gave him hers, and he saw the way she winced. He forced himself to look away from her, gently placing his hand on the boy's shoulders before turning around and walking away.

_Let your memories grow stronger and stronger,_

_till they before your eyes,_

_you'll come back when they call you._

_No need to say goodbye._

The tears were stinging at her eyes as she watched him walk down the gangplank, but she made herself stand where she was until he turned a corner and disappeared from her sight. She didn't really care about the fact that everyone else was still there, so she turned and fled down the hall in a desperate attempt to escape the pain that was gripping in her chest. She was vaguely aware of a girl calling worriedly after her, merely increasing her pace to escape the shadow following at her feet. Maybe if she ran fast enough, the pain wouldn't catch up to her, and she would be able to escape her tears.

He stood behind the corner for a very long moment, debating. He felt empty. He had walked off that gangplank silently, but some part of him had been left behind, with his captain. When he let out a deep breath, something inside of his chest hardened. He exhaled with a low expletive, glancing towards the bay where the lieutenant and the girl were waiting for him to catch the bus to the docks. He tried to picture what would be waiting for him in California, what would happen to the ship when he left... But he couldn't do it. Each time he tried to imagine it, he just kept seeing himself back on that ship, sharing her fate. He glanced around the corner, at the ship, and his resolve hardened. 'No... This isn't my goodbye.' With that thought anchored in his mind, he turned around and strode towards the bay, barely able to keep the smile from his face. 'No.' He told himself again, just to tell himself he had really made up his mind. 'This is _not_ my goodbye.'

_You'll come back when they call you,_

_no need to say goodbye._

**AN**

**Do I need a hobby? Yes I do. XD I was watching the second Narnia at my grandmother's place and when I heard this song, I was like "OMG!" and ran to her computer to find out which song it was, lol. When I got home I downloaded it, (the first thing I did, honest), then put it on my MP3 and listened to it until I memorized the lyrics. Then I decided since I have no life, I might as well use my newest favourite song to make a songfic to add to my collection, so I did it, and it turned out like fail, as usual XD. The song really doesn't seem to relate to the words, but... In a way... It shouldn't, and that makes me like it. I make no sense. Review please and thanks!**

**Sky**


	6. Heaven's Dead

"**Heaven's Dead"**

**Audioslave**

_Anchor the night, open the sky,_

_hide in the hours, before sunrise._

_Pray for me not, I won't lose sight,_

_of where I belong and where you lie._

He was whispering curses under his breath as he turned the damaged Strike towards his ship, towards home. He'd heard the stress in her voice as she ordered him back, and when he had gotten that brief glimpse of her face, he saw the toll the battle was taking on her. He could barely believe that the woman who had been shouting the orders had been his Murrue, her marigold eyes were wild with violence and anxiety, and her normally pale face was haggard, each ship that exploded, each mobile suit that was destroyed, it was another heavy strike to her body. Had it really only been that morning that they'd been lying together in her bed, sharing hopeful dreams and visions of a future that was just within their grasp? That morning seemed like it had happened years ago after the few short hours of fighting that had been going on. Time was fleeting.

_Heaven's dead when you get sad,_

_I see your wishes fly,_

_out of time,_

_for the best time you've had._

His engines were whining and the alert of the damage done to his machine was ringing in his ears, but the sounds were oddly muffled in his head. It was like he was still digesting what had happened, the easy defeat he had taken at his twisted 'sibling's' hands. He had been so sure he would have been able to finally end the madness, in a way, killing that psycho would have finally let him feel some peace. Ridding the world of the man would have made it a safer place for her, the only thing he really was**truly**fighting for now. In some odd way, he didn't care what happened to him, or to the world, as long as she was with him at the end of the battle, at the end of the wreckage. The world could have been destroyed, but if she was still there with him... He'd have been content. He knew it was a selfish thought, but it was true. She was all that mattered to him now.

_Shipwreck the sun, I'm on your side._

_An army of one, onward we will ride._

_Whisper your songs,_

_birds to the air,_

_we'll bury all of our burdens there._

He kept flying, though he was silently cursing his slowness as the battle continued to rage all around him. Why did the ship seem so far away? He hadn't really left it so far behind in his attempt to kill Le Creuset, had he? He kept on flying, studying the battered white angel worriedly. The ship had been taking a lot of damage from her sister ship, the Dominion, and he cringed inwardly. He still had a hard time remembering who exactly was in charge of the darker angel. He couldn't picture the former lieutenant ordering such a cold-blooded attack. He kept on flying, pushing his blackening thrusters even harder, his eyes locked magnetically on the Dominion. He saw the hatch on the Dominion's leg lifting up suddenly, revealing a dark and long object from inside of the cavern. His blood ran cold, and his hands froze on the controls. One word echoed in his mind even though he couldn't speak, and it was like a scream that just wouldn't come out. **No!**

_Well heaven's dead when you get sad,_

_I see your wishes fly out of time,_

_for the best time you've had._

_Heaven's dead when you get sad,_

_I see your wishes fly out of time,_

_for the best time you've had._

It only took that split second for his mind to work out the connection between the cannon and the Dominion's deadly intention. In that split second, the warm dreams he had been entertaining in the back of his mind shattered like thin ice into a thousand pieces. The warmth and sunshine were destroyed and replaced with freezing rain, and an aching black hole where his heart was supposed to be had appeared in his chest. Though nothing had happened yet, and that bleak future hadn't even been confirmed, the agony that came with the image would have brought him to his knees if he hadn't already been sitting down. His mind had only taken two seconds maximum to come up with the future that the ship's actions would bring him, and his body was moving before he knew what he was really doing. He slammed on the thrusters, pushing the machine as hard as it would go, ignoring the shriek of the Strike's alerts. They hadn't seen it, they didn't know what was coming for them,**she**had no idea what was about to happen. He kept on flying, gritting his teeth and pushing his entire body into it as though it would help. The denial was still being shouted in his head, put on an endless loop, repeating over and over until it became a chant and he was whispering it silently. He didn't know who he was speaking to, maybe it was the lieutenant, perhaps he was begging her not to do it. Maybe it was to himself, telling his mind that it wasn't really happening, or he was talking to **her**_**, **_telling her she wasn't allowed to die.

_The best time you've had._

_For the best time you've had._

_Heaven's dead when you get sad._

He had no options left. He had gone through his list of ideas in record time, and he was cursing himself for what he was about to do. Part of him was rebelling against his only resort, but another, the part that had only grown and become more dominant as time went by, was silent. He would do it with a smile on his face. He moved the Strike's shield in front of his cockpit in hopes that the metal would help absorb some of the blast just in case his mobile suit couldn't take it all by itself. He had little care of what was going to happen to him, he had already accepted his fate the moment his mind had chosen the last ditch attempt to save her life. The Lohengrin's beam shot out from the cannon with such force he was momentarily startled by it, but he sped forwards anyway, racing it with such desperation, his head was pounding. He measured the trajectory in his mind, and he knew beyond all doubt that he was going to make it. Without a moment of hesitation, he threw himself in front of the bridge, forcing the Strike's free hand to press on the back of the shield to give it extra power against the beam. 'Not on your life!'

_Heaven's dead when you get sad,_

_I see your wishes fly out of time,_

_for the best time you've had._

_Well heaven's dead when you get sad,_

_I see your wishes fly out of time,_

_for the best time you've had._

The vision changed. It was no longer the bleak future he had seen if the beam had connected, he was no longer alone. In fact, he wasn't there at all, at least not in a physical sense. The sky was clear again, and she was there, just like she always had been. She was smiling as she sat in the grass, looking up at te cloudless sky, finally wearing civilian clothes, free of the military facade. She wore a ring, a random image his mind had thrown in to solidify the future, and someone he didn't really want to focus on was watching her. She was happy, but not with him. There was a stab of pain in his gut that only lasted for a fraction of a second, but then it was gone. She would live, she would be happy, even if it wasn't with him. That was what he wanted if his death was certain, which he knew it was. He heard her gasp over the communication link, and he felt a sudden wave of agony so strong he couldn't speak. Too many words ran through his head, making his thoughts a jumble. He wanted to tell her so many things, he was so desperate to tell how her much he loved her, that he wanted her to be happy and not mourn over him, he wanted her to know how sorry he was. He couldn't find the words to really express those thoughts, even though they had been on his mind for much longer than he wanted to admit.

He was sorry. He couldn't imagine how much this was going to hurt her, but at the same time... She would live to see another sunrise. She'd live to smile again at the feel of the sun on her skin, be alive to experience happiness again, to learn to love again. She had her second chance to be alive, the only gift he could give her now in this dark moment. He'd happily trade his life for hers. Back on instinct, he uttered his last words, the sudden thrill of the knowledge cemented in that she was going to** live** gave him a last high. He laughed. "Ha, ha! Didn't I tell you I could make the impossible, possible?!" He closed his eyes as the heat began to melt through his mobile suit, taking the head off the Strike with a sharp hiss of melting metal. He was smiling as the light and the heat become too much to bear, he was smiling when the darkness took him.

She was going to **live**.

_I'll take it all, arrows and guns,_

_hundreds or more,_

_to save you from one,_

_to save you from one,_

_to save you from one._

_And heaven's dead when you get sad._

**AN**

**Does it only surprise me how I stretched out such a ridiculously short moment into about two pages? Cause I'm a bit shocked. XD. Anyway... there was so much in that moment that I really wanted to try and cover, but I feel like I didn't do a good enough job, lol. (Evie: Surprise, surprise.) The song I chose because I found it off an epic MM video I found on youtube and it really made me love it, so nyah. I also realized that I've been screwing up the lyrics to above song for about two years XD, sorry about that! Review please!**

**Sky**


	7. All Around Me

"**All Around Me"**

**Flyleaf**

_My hands are searching for you,_

_my arms are outstretched towards you,_

_I feel you on my fingertips,_

_my tongue dances behind my lips for you._

She was watching him again. She had to admit feeling a little foolish for 'spying' on him, she felt like a little schoolgirl with her first crush. She couldn't take her eyes off him whenever they were alone, everything he did intrigued her, regardless of what it was. She wondered if he knew that she was watching him, if he did, she was sure it was something that inflated his already huge ego. The thought, that would have made her annoyed just a few months ago, made her smile somewhat indulgently now. His ego was something she actually kind of liked about him now, he had a strange way of giving her confidence whenever he brushed something off like it was no big deal. He was far from indestructible, she knew that, but she had faith in his abilities. He had worked his magic on her, she was completely under his spell.

_This fire rising through my being,_

_burning I'm not used to seeing you._

_I'm alive._

_I'm alive._

She leaned forwards on the window, watching as he worked on the Strike, seeming to ignore the world around him. She smiled a little bit, amused with how involved he was with his work. It reminded her of how hard she had to push him to get him to fill in his paperwork, he was lazy. But now, with his machine, she sometimes had to tug him away like he had to kidnap her from the bridge. The thought of their little game of tug and war almost had her laughing, she had to admit, they behaved somewhat like children when they were alone. It was so different from the soldier facade they kept on when they were in public. She snorted a bit to herself at that thought. Ever since they had been caught in the bridge, something that still embarrassed her, she was positive that the whole ship knew what was going on. Just the other day when she had been with him, she had seen Kira giving her a bit of a grin while he was talking with his sister, and she knew just from that that he knew everything that was going on. It was kind of embarrassing but flattering at the same time. She had sort of wanted to keep it a secret, but in the end, she had a hard time minding who knew. Mu was proud of it at any rate.

_I can feel you all around me,_

_thickening the air I'm breathing._

_Holding onto what I'm feeling,_

_savouring this heart that's healing._

She was a little proud of it too, she couldn't lie. She knew he was a very attractive man, she had seen some of the younger female soldiers shooting him shy glances, and she felt jealous. She hadn't known that he was in the same boat with her until he'd shyly admit that he didn't like the second glances _she_ had been getting when they had docked in ORB earlier. She belonged to him, just as much as he belonged to her. Neither of them minded the other's protectiveness, it was cute and strangely attractive at the same time. She continued to watch him, thinking absently about the last few nights they had been spending together. It had been difficult, it was the first time she had let someone in since _he_ had died. She had been surprised at how respectful Mu had been about it, he had asked no questions and let her explain when she felt the need to. When she had finally let herself tell him why she was so hesitant, he had simply smiled and kissed her gently on the cheek. 'He told me that he wouldn't rush me, no matter how he felt about it... Because he loved me...' She blushed a little when she thought about his words, resisting the urge to hide her face. 'He loves me.'

_My hands float up above me,_

_as you whisper you love me,_

_and I begin to fade,_

_into our secret place._

_The music makes me sway,_

_the angels singing say we are alone with you,_

_I am alone and they are too with you._

_I'm alive._

_I'm alive._

Eventually, she hadn't been able to wait, and had tugged him into her room when he was about to kiss her goodnight. They had spent almost the entire night exploring each other and mapping out what they didn't know. Neither of them had gotten much sleep that night, but they didn't really mind. It had felt so right, having him there with her when she slept, waking up to his gentle kiss on her collarbone and whispers in her ear. She hadn't wasted time letting him move into her room after that, she wanted him to be with her whenever possible. He was too easy to get addicted to, and when she had told him that, he'd grinned at her and said she was the exact same way before wrapping her up in his arms and snuggling with her again. He'd made her late on plenty of occasions for her shift, and she for his, but it didn't matter very much... She enjoyed being late these days. It was like carrying around her own personal sun, he directed light everywhere he went, making people feel better and giving them warmth. She had likened him to being her own big teddy bear too, perfect to snuggle with and curl up to when she was tired. He had liked that nickname, and she had to giggle at the image of him in a huge bear-suit.

_I can feel you all around me,_

_thickening the air I'm breathing._

_Holding onto what I'm feeling,_

_savouring this hear that's healing._

She still had trouble thinking of the entire reason why she had avoided him and the feelings he evoked inside of her. It was like all the troubling thoughts that had controlled her mind before had simply vanished, along with all of her logic on the situation. It had only been a little while that they had been together now, but it seemed like a lifetime when she tried to think about it. The days stretched on whenever he was with her, but they always seemed so short whenever either of them had to leave. Her heart, which had lay in shreds for so long, was now healing under his gentle touch. She still wore the locket as a bitter reminder of what could still happen in this dark time, but the light he cast out always managed to block out that darkness. She was slowly but surely being drowned in the warmth that was him, but she didn't mind it at all. She could openly admit she was in love with him.

_And so I cry._

_This light is white._

_And I see you._

_I'm alive._

_I'm alive._

_I'm alive._

She felt alive again, oddly enough. He'd given her a new reason to live, beyond just being able to see some peace after all of the bloodshed of the war. He'd given her a second chance to see with new eyes, to believe in a better future. She hadn't really wanted to risk entertaining those thoughts, it was like eating the forbidden fruit in Eden, but she couldn't stop the little images she saw when she slept. They didn't talk very much about what would happen after the war, both too anxious to really discuss the issue. She couldn't help but wonder if he thought about it like she did, she never asked. Even though she never asked, she didn't stop believing that if they both survived the end of the war, they would be going home together.

_Take my hand I give it to you,_

_now you own me all I am._

_You said you would never leave me,_

_I believe you, I believe._

She was astounded by how quickly Mu had taken control of her life, it was as if her life before him hadn't really existed. He made it so easy to forget what was going on around her. Even as she thought it, she was smiling and watching him. It was as if he sensed her finally, and turned around. She swore his face nearly split in half with a huge grin, and he promptly turned around on his work and waved energetically at her. She had to clap her hand over her mouth to smother her laughter and watched as her pretty much abandoned his post and raced up to where she was. She was still laughing when he reappeared at the door and kicked off the floor to knock her over with the force of his bear hug. She gave up trying to hold her composure and wound her arms around his shoulders and hugged him back, the loss of gravity giving her another full round of laughter. He was chuckling too, nuzzling gently into her neck as they gently spun in the no gravity. "Hey. How long have you been watching me?"

"Long enough love, long enough." Murrue giggled, gently pushing him back so she could put her feet back on the ground. He laughed again and wound his arms tightly around her middle to tug her back into another hug. She smiled a little as she closed her eyes and sighed pleasantly. This was what had made her fall in love with him. This was what meant everything.

_I can feel you all around me,_

_thickening the air I'm breathing._

_Holding onto what I'm feeling,_

_savouring this hear that's healed._

**AN**

**Lol hie. Anyway, I had this idea to put the other three MM songs from "Singing Me a Lullaby" into this collection after some revamping because I thought it kinda counts towards songfics but I wanted to see who would like that before I do it, lol. Meh, we'll see... Anyway, this fluffy one's all for big sis (smiles) I hope you like it!**

**Lotsa love,**

**Sky**


	8. Somewhere

"**Somewhere"**

**Within Temptation feat Anneke Van Giersbergen**

_Lost in the darkness,_

_hoping for a sign._

_Instead there's only silence,_

_can't you hear my screams?_

She sat by herself, as had been a custom for her since she had arrived back from the end of the war. She knew her old comrades were worried about her, but she couldn't really make herself care about their worries. It was like half of her heart had simply been ripped out of her chest and hidden on her. She stared out at the black ocean, feeling as though it reflected the darkest parts of her heart, and found some solace in the thought. With a shaky sigh, she wound her arms around her legs to hold them closer to her chest, staring out as the wind gently blew her hair this way and that.

_Never stop hoping,_

_need to know where you are,_

_cause one thing's for sure,_

_you're always in my heart._

Her chest felt like a black hole, no matter what she saw, no matter what light was shone on her, it just didn't seem to really touch her. With a deep sigh, she hid her face in her arms, as if to hide herself from the starts shining overheard in the navy sky shining overhead. The brightness of the moon and the stars hurt her eyes, and brought back the tears she had long since thought she had dried up. In the midst of that odd black hole, she felt that same surge of hope that hadn't left her since they had turned their back on the battlefield and began the long trek back home. They had found no body, no remains of the Strike, no proof that he was really dead... Though she had been the one to list him as 'killed in action', that insane ray of hope still burned away her logic. If there was no body, the reality of his death just didn't seem to want as weigh as heavily as it did for the others. Maybe she was insane for hoping so fiercely, but in all truths, it was that hope that kept the shattered pieces of her composure together.

_I'll find you somewhere,_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day._

_I just need to know_

_whatever has happened,_

_the truth will free my soul._

No matter how fiercely she hoped, it didn't stop the dreams, or the memories. She had truly thought that she was going to die that day, watching the Lohengrin of the Dominion surging towards her, eager to claim their lives. In a heady mix of agony, horror, and a sharp cut of sadness, she had closed her eyes, not knowing really what else to do. She focussed her thoughts on him, on their time together, in an effort to make her last thoughts happy, so she wouldn't have to feel the pain of death. Focussing her thoughts together in that instant, she apologized to him, even though he couldn't hear her. 'I'm sorry... I love you.... Be happy.' Then the light had been shadowed, and everyone had looked up in shock, and the silhouette of their saviour burned into everyone's minds. 'No!' But it had been and always would be a yes.

_Lost in the darkness,_

_trying to find your way home,_

_I want to embrace you,_

_and never let you go._

She still couldn't really believe he was dead. It had only been a few short months since they had arrived home, and despite how easy it had been to adjust to life on Earth, she still wasn't here living, if one could call it that. It didn't seem like she was living, she barely could make it through a day without a memory of him nearly bringing her to her knees. Even as she felt the pain and the heartache, she wondered why it seemed so fierce, so intense. It hadn't nearly hurt as much when she lost **him** had it? When she tried to bring back those memories, only a blankness entered her mind, as though she had forgotten that entire period. Instead of the depression that she knew had occurred, the happy memories of the times she had spent with Mu infiltrated her mind and stuck to her heart. It was insanity, she knew, that all the memories she had of **him** had been blocked out and replaced of memories of Mu. There was no doubt to her now who she really couldn't survive without. Was this living? Was she really alive now?

_Almost hope you're in heaven _

_so no one can't hurt your soul,_

_living in agony,_

_cause I just do not know, _

_where you are._

She wanted to reach out and take him from that memory, to remove him from the memory that haunted her dreams, that made her wake up screaming. She knew that was impossible, but it didn't stop the want. Despite the hope, her logic would still enter her mind and whisper in her ear, telling her that he was gone. She found herself wondering if he was in heaven, laughing a little at the thought because ever since she had become a soldier, she had given up all hope that there was really another world after this one. Even though... She found a little comfort in the thought, in the idea that finally he was just at peace, in a place were he couldn't be hurt anymore by anything. Even though it hurt, because accepting that thought meant abandoning her hope of him being alive, it was still a little comforting. She loved him, why wouldn't she be glad for him to finally be at peace?

_I'll find you somewhere,_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day._

_I just need to know,_

_whatever has happened._

_The truth will free my soul._

She continued to stare over the ocean, finding some enjoyment in watching the darkness of the water, and the symbiosis of the night sky. It was like the world was reflecting the darkness in her heart, with the millions of tiny flashing lights in overhead being her reasons to continue to live, to shine even in the blackest world. She smiled ruefully, had she not said something along the same lines during the war, what seemed to be an eternity ago? The smallest flame wouldn't go out, even against the world of the darkness that was the war. She laughed weakly to herself, staring up at the stars, picturing his face with a small smile, imagining what he would be doing by her side if he was there right now. In the back of her mind, she scolded herself for thinking it, knowing she would only regret it later when the idea would come back to haunt her dreams.

_Wherever you are_

_I won't stop searching,_

_whatever it takes,_

_need to know._

Even as she stood, she couldn't find the will to move from the cliff's edge, mesmerized by the dark water of the ocean below. Hugging herself in a vain attempt to shield her body form the cold breeze, she smiled a little as it played with her hair, imagining it was his hand, touching her cheek like he had before he had left. She made her decision, though she was sure it had been cemented into her being the moment she'd let the man kiss her in the bridge, the moment she'd surrendered into his arms the first night they'd made love. She'd never let him go, not out of her memory or out of her heart. She'd hold onto her hope, no matter how insane it may seem, to wait for him. She didn't really care how long it would take, or if she would be waiting until the day she died. She'd see him again, she'd find him and hold him in her arms again, she knew the day would come. She'd wait forever, because she loved him. Smiling a little bit more, she blew a kiss into the wind, whispering softly as she turned her back, "If you can be stubborn Mu La Flaga... I certainly can be just as to prove you wrong...."

_I'll find you somewhere,_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day._

_I just need to know,_

_whatever has happened._

_The truth will free my soul._

**AN**

**Lol, I blame my new Within Temptation Black Symphony CD/DVD. I listened to it for like two weeks straight, repeating this song every single time I watched it (Evie: Two or three times actually...) Though they only spoke Dutch when addressing the crowds (which made me a bit T.T), but the music was just so beautiful... When I heard this song it's like I got nailed in the ass and someone hollered at me to write something, ****anything****, involving this song. So voila, here comes this little piece of work. Toss a review my way if you feel the need, thanks for reading! XD**

**Sky**


	9. You and Me

"**You and Me"**

**Lifehouse**

_What day is it?_

_And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive._

_I can't keep up,_

_and I can't back down,_

_I've been losing so much time._

Mu busily checked the update he'd gotten from Murdoch on the strike, grunting under his breath when he saw the damage report. He knew Murrue wasn't too happy about the risks he had been taking with the Gundam, she was worried but wouldn't say anything. He idly pat the Strike's leg, running his free hand through his messy hair, staring up into the weapon's face. He never would say it to her, but he was glad he was piloting something stronger than his Moebius, or the Sky Grasper. He wanted to protect her, and the mobile suit was an amazing device he could use just for that purpose. Rubbing his aching arm for a moment, he chuckled wryly. It didn't come without the drawbacks however. He checked his watch to get his mind off of the pain, and sighed unhappily. He had been on duty for the past three hours in the hanger, and as much as he liked working on the Strike, he'd rather have been in his captain's office. But he knew she was at the bridge, probably discussing strategy with the pink princess and Mrs Simmons. He grumbled, it was one of the reasons why he hated grunt work.

_Cause it's you and me,_

_and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_nothing to lose,_

_and it's you and me,_

_and all of the people,_

_and I don't know why,_

_I can't keep my eyes off of you._

He continued his work though, knowing if his mind kept wandering back to her, he'd never get any work done. But his mind didn't seem to agree with that thought, and it kept flashing back to last night and all the nights before. He wondered if it was the stress that had done it, but she hadn't slept in her room for the past week. He didn't mind it at all, he liked waking up to her sleeping beside him, she looked so much more peaceful when she was dreaming. With a chuckle, he pictured how she'd be all tense from the meetings, it would be a good opportunity to give her a massage and let her relax. He mentally reminded himself with a laugh, 'I'm totally getting her to put in a hot-tub here, she'd love it. She certainly could use it.' Shaking his head to shake the suggestive images that flooded his mind, he smiled a bit. 'Murrue, what have you done to me?'

_All of the things that I wanna say,_

_just aren't coming out right._

_I'm tripping on words,_

_you've got my head spinning._

_I don't know where to go from here._

He saw the changes he'd made in her rather easily, she wasn't the same woman he'd met in Heliopolis only a few months before. It was true, she was the same captain-like figure but somehow that image had softened around the edges, something else had blended in with her soldiers' attitude. His dreams had suggested that too, so often he'd been seeing her outside the military world they were both trapped in, transported to some unknown place living a domestic life. He found it so easy to see her like that instead of in uniform, somehow he just knew she wasn't suited for the battlefield regardless of her skills. She could smile so much more easily than she used to around him, and her kind nature had only really been enhanced as he learned all her secrets and she learned his. When she had found out about his father, he felt dirty, clumsy, and she'd just kissed his hand and told him simply that she loved him. With all the other words he'd dreaded she'd say, that she loved him certainly wasn't at the top of his list. He hadn't known how to reply, his words wouldn't come out. But her tender smile had told him everything he needed to know, the fact that she loved him was just enough to keep him going.

_Cause it's you and me,_

_and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_nothing to prove,_

_and it's you and me,_

_and all of the people,_

_and I don't know why,_

_I can't keep my eyes off of you. _

She saw right through him somehow, just like he could read her like an open book. They really didn't have any secrets from each other now. He had always used cheerfulness as a facade, a shield from the outside world, just as she used work as a way to escape from her own worries. He tapped the Strike lazily, frowning just a bit. He wanted to be with her, at every moment of the day, he didn't care who'd see them together. He laughed then. After kissing her in ORB, the entire crew knew about what was going on between them, it was impossible to quash the rumours. He didn't care very much, though he had seen some amorous crewmates toss him dirty looks now and then. That made him smile, he never had liked the attention she'd gotten from some of his comrades. When she'd awkwardly admitted that it was the same with her and some of the women, he'd been honestly surprised. He'd never noticed any looks cast his way besides hers. He knew it was the same with her though, she never noticed anyone's eyes but his, and he very much enjoyed that fact, just like she enjoyed it too.

_There's something about you now,_

_I can't quite figure out._

_Everything she does is beautiful,_

_everything she does it right._

He wanted to go home with her. He hadn't really mentioned that to her just yet, worried about the reaction he'd receive. The future was a taboo among a lot of the soldiers, and in such dangerous times he had trouble begrudging them. When life was as hectic as it was now, when one wrong step could be your last, hoping about the future was almost cruel. He wasn't too sure if he'd come out of the final battle alive, no one was, but it didn't stop his fantasies. He wanted to live with her after the war, to settle down and forget the soldier's life, to just be free with her. The dream was almost intoxicating, he was constantly wondering if she had the same thoughts. They didn't talk about it, the future wasn't set in stone, but he knew without really knowing that when it was all over... They would be together.

_Cause it's you and me,_

_and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_nothing to lose,_

_and it's you and me,_

_and all of the people_

_and I don't know why,_

_I can't keep my eyes off of–_

It had been so sudden. Like a shooting star flitting through the night, blinding him. She'd simply walked into his life and robbed him of his old reasons to exist. He no longer lived just to live, he lived for her. She was his life, and even though he felt sheepish to say it, he never would be able to exist without her now. An addiction he couldn't quit. Laughing at the analogy, he shook his head and got back to work, realizing he had been doing nothing but daydreaming for the past hour. 'I wonder if she does this sometimes... She works so hard I wonder if she even thinks.' He laughed again, before feeling that familiar prickle in the back of his mind, telling him he wasn't alone. Turning around, he saw her standing by the top door, hands on the glass, watching him with a tender smile. He grinned, feeling quite a bit like a boy in a candy shop, and waved happily at her, watching with pleasure as she laughed and returned the wave. Without a second thought he left his work, racing up the stairs to greet her.

_You and me,_

_and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_nothing to prove,_

_and it's you and me,_

_and all of the people,_

_and I don't know why,_

_I can't keep my eyes off of you._

She was still laughing when he got into the hall, so he launched himself off the final step to knock her right off her feet so they spun in the zero gravity. Laughing harder at this, she nuzzled into his neck and wound her arms around him with a happy smile. He returned the gesture with a chuckle of his own, asking sweetly, "Hey. How long have you been watching me?"

"Long enough, love, long enough." She answered with a gentle smile, pulling away so she could meet his eyes, her own reflecting the deepest emotions in his chest. She gently gave him a push so she could get her feet back on the ground and he let her, but refused to release her, not caring if she wanted to be set free. She didn't seem to mind that, hugging him close and sighing his name happily as he kissed the crown of her hair. This was what his life had become now, she was all that mattered to him. He loved her.

_What day is it,_

_and in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive. _

**AN**

**And this is a companion piece to "All Around Me", which I meant to write AGES ago but never got around to doing. It seems really jumpy (sweatdrop) I apologize for that. I'm also really sorry for the lack of updating, it's been one hell of a roller-coaster around my place lately, I'm just glad I managed to get this off the ground, lol. I like the song "You and Me", though stupidly enough, lol, I couldn't make the words fit the story XD I think I got rusty. Yay for block (fake cheer). Anyway, shoot me off a review if you feel the need, lol.**

**Sky **


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